Monday, May 2, 2011


Well, that's where we are now.... beginning the Waiting. All the paperwork, running around, and training is done, and while it was a nice feeling to get it all accomplished, what happens next and how QUICKLY it all moves.. is out of our hands! This process is now completely out of our control. Ugh! How I hate not having control.
Our agency has all our paperwork and documents for the dossier and now it's up to them to finish putting their report together & getting the documents sent over to Moscow! So, we just have to cross our fingers and hope that everything is going to happen quickly and smoothly! It's already so hard. I have to literally fight the urge to call/email them and be like "Well, where we at? When is our stuff going over??!" For us, this is the most important thing in our lives, and we just want to get the ball rolling in Russia, but to them.. it's just business as usual!

Although, when we were there last week, they informed us that early fall was STILL the time frame for when we should expect a referral. We were told that since the court system basically shuts down for the months of July and August, we would be 1st on the list when they re-open in the fall! That's good news I think! So, as I said, it's out of our hands now, and we need to just be patient. Since I'm not very good at "patient" we need to find things we can do to keep busy!! So, what do we do?? We have LOTS of things we could be doing to prepare but I worry it's too soon to be doing them!

For instance, we picked out the bedding for the nursery! (Too cute!!!) and although we both love it and know we are going to get it.. we are waiting to order it. Why? I'm not sure. Part of me wants to just get it already! We both love it and I'm so excited about it! It is the cutest baby animal pattern and is completely gender neutral as the colors are greens/yellow/white/browns. So, there really is no reason to wait on it since we both love the bedding for a boy or a girl! Yet, I feel like if I order it now it's "too early."

Our plan has been to start working on the baby's room over the summer. We want to paint and buy the furniture and all that stuff when I'm off during those few months from school! Yet, the truth is I feel a little anxious about it all. I feel that if I buy the bedding, and we start thinking about paint colors, and start looking at furniture now, we are somehow going to jinx this. Like maybe we'll have to wait WAY longer for our child if we get too ahead of ourselves. Or something will go wrong and we'll be sitting here for 6 months with a nursery completely done and no baby!! Maybe that is just the "past" coming back up and the feelings that we can't PLAN for this just yet....because something could go wrong.. However, I also know that I CAN'T be afraid. Even if our wait is longer than anticipated, or for some reason we have to decline our first referral and wait longer, the truth of the matter is, that in the end we WILL have our child.

So, I should probably just relax and enjoy setting up the room, right?? Besides, being an elementary school teacher, I will have SO MUCH free time in the next few months, and need to have some projects to keep myself busy while we wait... : ) Also, what's the alternative? Wait until after we accept the referral and then rush around to get it all done in a few months? I KNOW the finances are just going to get tighter (especially after the referral) and with three trips to Moscow, and both of us working, our schedule in the fall will be way more hectic. So, I'm thinking I need to just trust that everything is going to work out and enjoy the preparations we need to do to get our home ready for our little one!! Besides, what else am I going to do with myself over the next few months???