Sunday, January 30, 2011

Our Big Decision!

Welcome! I decided to create this blog as a way to keep a journal of this amazing journey Randy & I are about to embark on. I wanted a place where I could go to write about our experiences, keep track of this entire process, and also to be able to provide updates for our family and friends as we move forward!
As we are just in the VERY beginning stages we are both feeling so excited, but also a little bit anxious and overwhelmed! I guess the best place for me to start is to talk about how we got here!

Every couple that decides to adopt has their own story. Ours is similar to most that I have read and heard about in the sense that we too, first tried to have a baby the "regular" way and had "problems". However, unlike many others I know of, we have NOT been trying for years, nor did we decide to go the medical "fertility" route.

Long story short, Randy and I did not have any problems getting pregnant, our problem was that I couldn't seem to stay pregnant. It was a rough year with lots of ups and downs, and unfortunately a pattern of loss that we really couldn't ignore. When I miscarried again in August, right after our 1st anniversary, that was when we decided to look into adoption. I knew I couldn't keep going on like this. As painful as it was to admit, and as much as we both wanted this, I just felt like we needed to accept that maybe we weren't meant to be parents this way.

I remember feeling so afraid to tell Randy how I was feeling. I love my husband more than anything and I didn't want him to think I was giving up too soon or to disappoint him.Yet, the truth was, I didn't want to get pregnant again. I hated what it was doing to me, and I just didn't think I could go through it all again. To have it happen so easily, to start to get excited and begin to love and attach to this life inside of you.... only to lose it. It was cruel and I didn't want to keep living that way. Although I soon realized as we began to talk about it all that Randy was feeling the exact same way I was! I was so relieved, as he looked at me and said "I think we should look into adoption." and through all the loss and pain, I began to feel a sense of hope!

I feel so fortunate that Randy and I felt the same way about things. Neither of us were giving up on trying to have a child or becoming parents, we just believe that we were meant to have a family another way. Both of us really just want to be parents, but neither of us "NEED" for our child/children to be biologically ours. I know some may think we gave up too quickly, and are surprised that we didn't try to go the IVF route.. but we did what was right for us. No matter how our children come to us, they will be ours and we will love them! We just didn't see any reason to put ourselves through more doctors visits, disappointments, and loss when there was another way.

So, in October we decided to attend an informational meeting at the adoption agency, and that was when we truly made up our mind that this was the path to parenthood for us! As we sat in that meeting several months ago, I remember having such a good feeling about it all! I sat there with tears in my eyes and goosebumps on my arms as I realized that this was what we were meant to do. It was there that for the first time I truly felt with 100% certainty that Randy and I were going to be parents!

When we got home the conversations began and we both decided that we wanted to move forward with the Russian Program. We decided we were going to wait to start the process until after the holidays and spent the next few months having lots of discussions, filling in our families and close friends on our decision, and I discovered the blogging world! It has been fantastic reading about other couples experiences and following their journeys to becoming parents through Russian adoption!

So, now it's 2011 and we are starting our journey. The loss and pain of 2010 is behind us, and we are moving forward with our lives. I know how lucky I am to be married to such an amazing guy who is truly my best friend. He is going to be the BEST dad too!! We both feel so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends, and all the love and support they are giving us! We appreciate it more than you know and we are definitely going to need it through the next year....maybe more!
We know we have a long road ahead of us, but we also know where it is leading us. It's leading us to our child!!! It is such a wonderful feeling to know that somewhere out there is a child that is meant to be ours and that we are meant to be his/her parents! As they say.. the rest is yet to come!!

Love, Maura & Randy