Missing our Boy!!!!

So, we have been home from Moscow now for a little over two weeks but it feels like it's been two years. Seriously, I knew it would be hard to meet our son, fall so in love with him, and then have to leave him there.. but I didn't realize how much I'd actually hurt missing him. Every night before bed, I watch a couple of the videos we took of him. Just hearing his laugh and seeing his smile warms my heart. I just can't, can't wait to be back and to hold him again. : (  We haven't got our court date yet, and I'm not really sure when we will receive it. We were told from our agency that it could take several weeks before we know when we go back. Due to the holiday break.. we are hoping that we'll know in the next couple weeks before they close for their break. Then at least we'll have a few weeks to get our travel plans ready! We still are going back and forth between whether or not we want to do one long trip or two. Originally we were planning on going three times over, but now, after Trip 1, I am leaning towards just staying in Moscow for the time between court and gotcha day. Truth is it will come down to finances and how many days it will be. I just want to get back and see him!!

I also can't help being a bit jealous of some of my blogger friends out there that traveled right before us, or when we did, but are already back in Russia or are heading back soon and will have their little one home for Christmas. (Please know, I am so happy for you all and think it's so wonderful!!! Just wish we were ALSO going to be going back before the holiday!) Overall, I shouldn't complain and know that I should just be so thankful. We have been given this wonderful gift. Our beautiful, perfect, precious son! I have a great husband and now we are parents and it is a blessing and I am so grateful!!! However it's hard when you miss him so much, when we are halfway around the world from him... constantly thinking about him and wondering what he's doing!! Is he sleeping right now? Laughing? Eating? Playing? Is he okay? sick? sad? happy? Does he remember us? Does he know we are coming back for him? Does he feel how much we love him!!?? 

In some ways it's like a cruel joke.. or some sort of test. We have been waiting so long to be parents, and now we are but we can't be with our son. Ugh, it's so frustrating sometimes. I just miss him and want him home!!! I know that January will be here before we know it, and then this will all be a distant memory as we'll have Brayden home with us FOREVER so soon! I guess these are our labor pains... just a different kind. : ) 

Okay, so now that I've got that out.. on to getting ready for his arrival!! Well, My family & friends threw me a baby shower on Saturday, November 19th. (Brayden's 10 month birthday!) It was so amazing and we got so much stuff that we needed for Brayden!!! Another cool thing that they did, is that every guest brought a favorite childhood book to build his library!! We got some fantastic books and all of them were inscribed with special messages to Brayden!! It was such a wonderful thing they did!!! I was truly so overwhelmed by all the generosity and by how excited our family and friends are for us!! Everyone can't wait to meet him and for him to come home!!

My Baby Shower for Brayden! 

Adorable favors that my friend Mo made!!! : ) 

Mothers and Daughters & The Proud Nana in the middle! 

The girls!! 

Along with the shower, we have finished painting his room, ordered his nursery furniture, and the bedding is all here!!! Pictures to come once we get the furniture and his room all set up!!! Other than getting the room ready, we (well, mostly me) have been shopping like crazy! I literally buy something for him everyday!!! I am in complete nesting mode!! Having so much fun but also feeling a bit like I can't stop!! : ) Another reason I need him home soon!!  : ) 

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving!! We have so much to be thankful for this year and just can't wait until the holiday season next year when Brayden will be celebrating with us at home!!!! Fingers crossed we get a court date soon!!!! : ) 

Trip 1- Our Second Day with Our Little Guy!

So we arrived at the baby home at 10 am on Friday for our 1st of 2 visits we would have that day! Olga wasn't with us today, but our driver came in with us and brought us up into the same play room we were in the day before. We waited just a few minutes before the caretaker brought him in to us! We were both just so excited to see him again! When he saw us, his whole face light up and a huge smile came across his face! He remembered us and was so happy to see us! He put his arms right out towards me, and almost jumped in my arms!! Our driver stayed for a few minutes with us and just took some pictures and videos of the 3 of us as we interacted. Again, B. was happy and smiling and cooing! He loved having all this individual attention and was just so cuddly and snugly with both of us! During our morning visit, he was really active. While he liked to spend a lot of time on our laps or being held, we were able to put him on the rug with the toys we brought, and get down on the floor with him and play! Just like yesterday our time with him went by so quickly, and before we knew it, it was time for them to take him for lunch and a nap. 


Randy and I went outside to meet our driver who was waiting in the car. He took us to a restaurant for lunch that was right around the corner from the baby home. We all ate and talked and just hung out there until it was finally almost 2:00 pm and time to go back for our final visit with him before we had to leave the next morning. 


Just like this morning, B.'s face lit up again, and he had a big smile when they brought him in to us. While it warmed my heart, and made me feel so great to see how happy he was with us, it also made me so sad to think that after today, he wouldn't be brought in to us for 2 months!! We were told by both our agency and by O. the day before, that our court date wouldn't be until mid-late January. Moscow always had about an 8 week wait for a court date, and since B. had his 1st birthday on January 19th, they thought we'd be going back for court that week. It seemed like so, so far away! 


I put the thought out of my head and just enjoyed our last few hours with him. He was not as active as he was earlier, and was much more content to just cuddle and be held by the two of us. He loved to snuggle with both of us and was just so interactive and affectionate. Every time I kissed him he'd smile and giggle and it just already felt so natural and that we were all meant to be a family. It was the best feeling. As I felt the day before, being with him made all the other "stuff" so worth while. It was so surreal! Here we were.. 1/2 way around the world, with our son. There was a time when we wondered if we'd ever be parents, and now..we were. 


Saying goodbye to him was tough. When they came in to get him at 4:00 pm part of me wanted to yell out, "no! Don't take him. Please. Not yet!!" but we also knew that he was in good hands here, and that the caretakers and nurses were taken such good care of him! It was only a few more months and then we'd be back to get him. To take him home, forever! 


Now, we have been home a few days and I think about him all the time. In just two days, and four visits, I had fallen so madly in love with our child. My husband has as well! We watch our videos of us with him, and look at the slide show of pictures on the computer with tears in our eyes. We both miss him so much already and just hope and pray that he'll remember us and that he knows that we are coming back to get him soon and to take him home!