Monday, April 4, 2011

So this is what it's like to be expecting....

So we have gotten all our thank you cards done from the Bringing Home Baby Belanger fundrasier! I feel like the last two weeks we have just been processing it all and really beginning to realize that this is really happening! The party our family/friends held for us on the 19th was so awesome, but also so overwhelming. It really hit me what we were doing. I remember thinking, Wow! All these people who love us are supporting us, and are helping us raise some of this money! Oh my god, This is real! And then, I started to freak out a little...and doing the "what ifs?"

What if something goes wrong? What if we get a referral and we don't have all the money we need? What if we spend the money to go over to Russia and something is wrong with the child and we have to decline? What if the program slows down or closes?? Wow, so much worrying, but I bet it's normal, right? I mean you are going to be parents! It's exciting and wonderful and a gift.. but it's scary too!!

I remember a mother of one of my first grade students (who was adopted from the Ukraine) asked me about a month ago if  I was freaking out yet. I was like, "What, No! Not at all!!! I'm so excited." Well, I guess I now know what she was talking about!! Ha! I think no matter how you are going to become a parent... once it hits you that it is really happening, you start to worry a little bit.

Luckily though, the anxiety attack has passed and I'm back to just being excited and focused on getting everything done for our dossier. We have been having fun talking about names, and surprisingly we agree more than we disagree! We have actually choosen a boy's name already that we both LOVE and are between 2 names that we both like for a girl! It's been SO nice to be able to talk about names, or look a cribs or bedding for the nursery without feeling like we're going to "jinx" it. This was  how it felt when we were "biologically" pregnant. We couldn't really LET ourselves get too excited about any of it, as unfortunately we knew it might not last....So this time, it's so much different.  This time, we know it is REAL. We ARE going to be parents, and knowing this makes the worrying about the "what ifs" seem less important. Yes, it might take longer than the agency is predicting, and there could be bumps in ther road...but the bottom line is at the end of this process, we will have our child, and that's worth the bumps and the ups and downs that we might face! : )

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