One Month Ago...

One month ago today, on November 12th we returned home from Moscow and from meeting our son. Four weeks is not a very long time, but to me it feels like it's been an eternity! We miss him so, so much and to be honest, it's been so hard! I just can't help being so bummed that we are here and B. is all the way on the other side of the world. We don't know what is happening with our case, or how he's doing or anything! We truly just feel so alone. It's hard not having any contact. It takes everything in me to keep myself from calling my agency everyday and asking for an update. However, I know that they haven't heard yet either. This is all completely out of our hands, in the hands of the Russian government and court system. How I HATE not having any control.

Everyday, especially in the last week or so, I wait for the phone to ring! I have my cell with me all day, and am constantly checking my email  at school hoping that we will get word of our court date. Everyday I wake up and think, "maybe today will be the day?" I have come to realize that I am SO not a patient person. I guess it's good that we were only on the wait list for 8 days!!! 

We were told by our coordinator when we were there that we should expect to come back for court in mid-January. She thought the week of his birthday maybe. Which is still over a month away from now. A LONGER wait than it's been already. This waiting is pure torture and I don't know how people got through it before us! (Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!) 

I'm just feeling really sad today and I feel guilty about being so sad when I know in a few months we will all be home together as a family! Yet, everyday I have at least 5-10 people ask me if we have heard anything yet and I always smile and say "Not yet. Hopefully soon." but inside my heart is breaking just a little bit, because it's one more day we don't hear anything, and I get so disappointed! I am always thinking about him and wondering what he is doing, and HOW he is doing. Do they show him our photo book? Is he still sleeping with the nubby we left for him? Have his two front teeth come through yet? So many questions, so much we are missing. : ( 

Randy and I both feel that if we at least had our court date it would lessen some of the stress. It may sound crazy but I start to worry that something is going to go wrong in this time when we are apart and just waiting. That somehow, maybe, he's not really going to be ours, that something in Russia is going to change and we're not going to get him. Crazy right? 

Having an actual date will help so much. We can start making our travel plans and more importantly, we will finally know when we will be able to see Brayden again!!! We are truly hoping we will hear before the holidays!! would be the best present ever and it's all we want is to go back and see our boy! 

So,the other issue is we are also waiting to hear about this 30 day wait period between court and when we can pick him up at the baby home. Most of you have probably heard something about this by now. 

Our agency has told us that they have not received "official" confirmation if this new law is definitely going to start up in January 2012. However,they did tell us that it is a real possibility and we should expect for this change. If this goes through, that means we won't be bringing Brayden home now until mid-late February. : ( It also means that I have to get my superintendent to grant me another 1 week leave of absence to go to Moscow for court, come back and continue with my class for 30 days, and THEN start my 12 week adoption leave. Fingers crossed it all works out. Obviously, I will do what I need to do to bring our boy home!! 

Hoping to be posting about our court date soon! Good luck and best wishes to all of you out there that are also waiting. Either for your referral or for your court date or for your paperwork to come back so you can send your dossier off!! Also, I just wanted to say Congrats to my friend Lauren who picked up her baby girl TODAY and will be bringing her home for good on Saturday! So happy and excited for her and her family!! : ) 

Happy Holidays!