Saturday, January 28, 2012

Mixed Emotions

Well, we are home from Moscow as of Wednesday night, which means it has been 4 days since we've seen Brayden last and we have five more weeks until we can see him again. I don't know what else to say except, this sucks. I'm really trying to stay upbeat but the truth is, I'm not doing very well with this.I miss him so much already, and it hurts. Yes, we have LOTS of pictures and video of our time with him, and trust me I love looking at them, but wow, this is hard. I just can't believe we had to leave him. Again.. .

We were just so happy and so excited when we passed court and were told that we were the legal parents of Brayden Patrick Belanger. We were so relieved and so ecstatic, he was "officially" our son, and we were "officially" his parents. However, your happiness begins to deflate a bit when you then have to say bye to him again,  get on a plane, and leave him in the baby home for 5 more weeks!?! It's just crazy and cruel and I HATE that there is nothing we can do about it. It's the law. It's the way it is. It's out of our control. (Which I NEVER do good with!) : )

I laugh now thinking of how a few months ago, Randy and I were trying to decide if we were going to come home in between court and our "gotcha" day or were we going to stay in Moscow during the 10 day wait!! 10 days.... Oh my what I would give to be going back in a week!!! Or to have had the opportunity to stay there and go see him everyday... but it is what it is, and March 5th can't get hear fast enough!!! My fear, which is probably completely irrational, is that he's going to hate us. That he is going to be angry at us for leaving him for months at a time, that he won't understand how much we truly love him and want him when we keep popping in and out of his life. Our time with him both trips has been AMAZING!! He has bonded to us so quickly already! He is cuddly and happy and smiling and cooing. He loves touching our faces, playing with my hair, and he absolutely loves being held.. by both of us. It has been so wonderful, and I'm afraid of seeing him again and seeing hurt, confusion or anger in those big brown eyes, and the thought of it, kills me. I know, I know, I'm completely overthinking and worrying about this, but I'm a mother right?


 I don't mean to rant and complain or whine... I know how blessed and how lucky, Randy and I are to be given this amazing gift of being Brayden's parents. This beautiful, wonderful, boy is our son. I also know that two months, when he is home with us and getting settled, this feeling, this hurt, will be forgotten. I know that we just have to get through these next 5 weeks, and then we have our son. With us. Forever. We are so close... I just need to stay strong. It will ALL be worth it....




8 comments:

  1. Just remember its harder on you than it is for him. He's just going back to what he is familiar with. He's in a good baby home that is taking good care of him. When we got back pictures of Polina from the baby home she was smiling and dancing in them.

    Try to sleep a lot, visit with friends and shop! The wait is so hard and this 30 day thing is so stupid!
    Crystal

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't worry the 5 weeks will go by fast and before you know it you will be loving him up and he will be the happiest he has mostly likely ever been!!

    Wishing you happy weeks of shopping joy for your little boy & before you know it it will be time to go pick up your son forever!!

    Darlene

    ReplyDelete
  3. The 10 day wait seemed so long (and we were in country for it)...I can only imagine what a 30 day wait would feel like. I am so sorry not only for you but all the other parents to be and the children having to stay in the orphanage "just one more month." Praying the days fly by quickly for you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congrats on becoming parents! Soo happy for you guy..must be an amazing feeling!!! Hang in there during the wait!! Soon enough your baby will be home!!!! Waiting is excruciating, I can attest to that, and time never seems to move fast enough=(. Praying the rest of your wait moves quickly!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. So how are you guys doing - the 5 weeks is winding down & you must be crazy excited. So can I ask a few questions. You need to wait 30 days and then you can return - you can't return before the 30 days is up - like 5 days before to start the passport or Visa applications it must be after the 30 days? What is the expected time it will all take for all the paperwork to be completed and you are on your way home? 5 days 10 days? Thought I'd ask since you are right in front of us and was hoping to gain some insight? Thanks Darlene

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Darlene!

      I'm not sure if all regions/agency coordinators do it the same, but Yes, it is after the 30 days that you return. The way we were told, it sounds like the 30 days is a freeze and nothing happens until it's up. We were told that the 30 day wait from our court date was 2/25 but we couldn't travel for another week. Our coordinator told us they needed five days on their end to process paperwork before we arrive to pick him up. Nothing happens during the 30 days. When we return we are there for only one week. (6 days) We pick him up Monday.. take him to the doctor for physical for Embassy appt. on Wednesday and we have our "exit" interview & appointment at Embassy on Friday, and fly home on Saturday. Not sure how long the passport takes think it's just a few days. However, we took Brayden to get his passport pictures done when we were there last, and we filled out the application then too and left with our coordinator. We were told you are only there a week for it all to be completed and he's with us the whole time we are there. Hope that helps!!

      Delete
  6. Thank you so much for the info....I bet the week you can't go is so they can process his Visa which takes 5 days - so if that is the case that is good for you not to have to be there for that. The passport is only a couple of days. Good to have some insight as since it's a new rule it helps to know how it works. Thanks again!

    Darlene

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi again...one more question - how long did it take from when you sent in your court dossier until you got word of your court date - we're thinking 3 weeks - a week for translation and two weeks to get a date? Just wondering?

    Thanks
    Darlene

    ReplyDelete