So we are just under two weeks away from being reunited with our son forever! It cannot come fast enough! Court already feels like it was so long ago, and I still get tears in my eyes when I think of watching him walk down the hall, looking over his caretaker's shoulder at us as they took him away from us two hours after becoming his parents. He knew it was goodbye again. I just pray that he also knows that we were coming back for him, and that when we do, we will never, ever be leaving him behind again. I just hope that the final countdown goes by quickly! We have really done our best to try and keep ourselves busy and distracted to help the time go by, but he's on both our minds pretty much 24-7! In some ways I feel like we are so ready for him to be home and in other ways I feel like we have no idea what we are doing at all!
We have been waiting to bring him home for so long, and are so happy & blessed to have Brayden in our lives, yet, I'd be lying if I said we weren't both having our moments lately of being a little panicked and completely overwhelmed! Sigh. I said it. Yes, I'm so excited that I'm a mom but I'm also freaking out a bit too. The truth is we don't know MUCH about him right now! We don't know his exact weight or height, we haven't gotten a really good idea of what he's eating over there, and we are sort of guessing at everything.
We both felt that Brayden looked the exact same size in January that he did in November, however it was such a whirlwind trip, we only saw the director of the baby home at court, and didn't get to ask any questions. Both trips he was dressed in 6 or 9 month clothes and the same pair of size 3 shoes. We brought a 12 month outfit with us in January just too see and it was HUGE on him! So when we got home I was back at Children's Place and Carter's buying him lots of 9 month clothes since 90% of what we had here was 12 months. (Hoping they'll fit him in the fall!?)
As fun as it is to shop for him, it's causing me a bit of stress to which is silly, right?! What if it's way too big? What if it's too small? Then I think, Um.. big deal you'll exchange stuff!! For instance, just last weekend we were shopping and I found an adorable outfit for Easter! I had to buy it right THEN, thinking it might not be there in a few weeks! So for a good 20 minutes we went back and forth between the 6-9 month or 9-12 month and I came really close to just buying both! I'm like a crazed person!! Randy and I both agreed as we held it up that the 9-12 month would be too big for him right now. So we went with the 6-9 months. Can I tell you that I look at this outfit every day and wonder if I should exchange it for the bigger size!? What if it's too small? I literally feel like if it doesn't fit, it may be the biggest tragedy ever!
But my new neurosis doesn't end there. Nope, there was the other day when we were at Babies R Us looking for baby food to bring with us and buy for when we come home. Okay, so yes, of course we don't need to bring too much as we can buy it when we get to Moscow, but the truth is we really have no idea which ones would be good for him. Does he NEED more fruit and veggies? Will he be able to eat food with chunks in it or will it have to be completely strained? Honestly, we don't know! We were told he eats porridge, pureed foods, mashed boiled potatoes, and lots of dairy. (cottage cheese and yogurts) and drinks milk. That's about all we got from them last trip. So there we were in the aisle, looking at 500 different types of baby foods, different stages, different varieties and mixtures, and I felt my eyes fill up and looked at my husband and there I was crying in Babies R Us. "We have no idea what we are doing," I said. Which unfortunately, is sort of true. We really don't KNOW that much about our child, and this was a hard fact to face. Other parents of 13 month old babies have been there. They KNOW what they are eating, what they like, what foods they've been introduced to so far, they also know how much their children weigh and what size clothes they wear. These are all things we don't know for sure about Brayden, and it makes me feel.. not ready.
We both know, what he needs, what he really NEEDS is our love and affection and he's going to get lots of that, so the rest will all work out right? Of course it will! I think that being separated from him for all these months, not having him here with us, makes the little stuff seem like BIG stuff!. Maybe because the little things are the only things we can control right now?
So needless to say, the timing couldn't have been better when my parents gave us an incredibly generous gift of a "babymoon" weekend away in the city this past weekend!! This trip was exactly what we needed!! We ate really good food at nice restaurants, drank good wine, and just relaxed and had an amazing time! It was really nice to be away together just the 2 of us! Of course, we DID do a bit of shopping for Brayden and talked about him non stop, but the key was we both were able to relax for 48 hours! Who knows the next time we'll be able to do that! It was perfect and felt really nice to unwind!
Now I am recharged and literally counting the days until he's with us for good. (13 by the way.) I will keep doing my yoga and deep breathing and before long, all this sweating the small stuff will be over and he'll be home and we'll be LIVING in it!!! Oh, I can't wait!